I'll Admit It: Last Friday Kinda Sucked... Until It Didn't

 
Most folks I meet consider me to be a happy, positive person. "Enthusiastic" is a frequent descriptor. But even the smiley-est of us can have an off day. And for me, that day was last Friday.

I was overwhelmed and headed for a meltdown. I despised feeling low, and actually chided myself for being negative and questioning my path. Sure, I extolled the power of positive thinking and that "happy" is a choice you make when you wake up. But sometimes you have a day that literally brings you to tears — of frustration, anger, impatience...whatever.

However, through my sobs and rants of "I feel so lost" I realized something: it was okay not to be perfect and feel 100% certain of where I was going 100% of the time. 

Of course, my impatient, future-focused, wants-to-lead-the-charge-and-be-in-control self had a hard time swallowing that pill.  Was I admitting weakness? Giving in to some unseen foe? Me no likey.

Still, in this creative journey I knew there would be times when I'd question what the hell I was doing (or not doing) and why I didn't have all the answers right now.  But I needed to accept it. Deal with it. Embrace it.  Sally Hogshead calls this stage sitting on "The Throne of Agony" and with good reason — it's not very fun.

But without an occasional valley, I could never appreciate nor recognize a peak. Which, miraculously, I also did last Friday.

Turns out that someone whom I admire for her smarts and creativity dug my blog.  So much so, that she even told her friends about it. (Yay, me!)

I may not have all the answers in this journey but I'm determined to have fun along the way — even if that means getting "lost" once and awhile.

It's A Process: After the Before, But Still Before the After

Have you ever had a crazy dream and looked up its symbology online? Or is that only me?

Anyway, one of the most common elements of my dreams, especially during times of change, is a house.  And according to dream dictionaries, a house always represents you, and its condition is very telling of how you are feeling at the time.

So it should come as no surprise, then, when my husband casually mentioned that my house tweaking verve was symbolic of my own desire to makeover my life, myself and what was next for me.

"You're working through the creative process, Aim," he told me.

Funny that I never made that conscious correlation but he was actually spot on.

Here I was envisioning a brand new kitchen (the heart of the home, aka me), with a bright freshness.  Sure, the bones stayed the same, but the outward appearance and how it was presenting itself would be more in line with the real me and my tastes. It was slowly being transformed into something even better.

{Before. Note the '80s-chic, heavily-grained oak cabinets. Nice, no?}

{During. Note 7-year-old whirling dervish in left corner.}

{Still during. Note non-7-year-old whirling dervish in left corner.}

Hmmm....interesting.

What I find more astonishing is how this transformative process has bled into other areas of my "house" — the adjacent "rooms" are following suit, getting their own facelifts and upgrades, receiving the much-needed love and attention they deserve.  And in doing so, every part of my house will (eventually) be acknowledged, integrated and unified.

Of course this process can't — and won't — happen overnight, despite my enthusiastic fervor and my desire to make it so.  I fully admit upfront that along the way some decisions will seem perfect at the time only to later be found to be not quite right.

But that's okay, because there's always room for growth and change.  And "home" renovation is a never-ending process.