The Power of Unexpected Kindness

"I just wanted to say I admire you. You are kicking ass!"

A few nights ago, right before going to bed, I received that message from a friend and former colleague. I have to admit, it was completely unexpected but utterly awesome to hear.

There's nothing quite like being at the receiving end of a random act of kindness. And truth be told, being at the giving end isn't too shabby either.

Kindness First

A favorite LinkedIn Influencer of mine (and probably yours, too) is Bruce Kasanoff. In his newest book, Givers Deliver: Grow Your Career by Helping Others, he tells of his kindness first philosophy:

Every day, in the #1 slot on my to-do list, I write "kindness." Before I do anything else, I take at least one action that serves no purpose other than to be kind to another person.

Kasanoff explains that this practice of kindness is not only the best way to connect with other people but to make him feel good as well: "the more unexpected my kindness, the more satisfaction I will experience when offering it."

Science backs this up. When we help others, it’s good for our health and vitality, improving emotional resilience, boosting the immune system, and reducing susceptibility to depression and anxiety.

Even better? Your kind act could have a long-term, afterglow effect on your recipient.

According to Jeff Haden, author of Transform: Dramatically Improve Your Career, Business, Relationships, and Life...One Simple Step at a Time, (and another one of my favorite LinkedIn Influencers):

If you really want to brighten someone's day, do the unexpected. The effect could last a lifetime.

I completely agree, and can vouch for the long lasting, feel-good effects of unexpected kindness. Even if it comes in a roundabout way.

The Perils of Unexpected Rudeness

Years ago, way before we had kids, my husband and I were shopping for a new car.  We had been to several dealerships already, but that day we had narrowed the search to two brands: BMW and Mercedes. In our minds, they were nearly identical in terms of cost and performance.  We really just wanted to test drive them and see which one was a better fit.

As we approached the BMW lot a peculiar thing happened. The salesman immediately saddled up...to my husband. He extended his hand, introduced himself and gave him (only) his full attention and sales pitch. I was completely ignored, despite my and my husband's attempts to introduce me to the salesman, and to include me in the discussions.

As you might imagine, I was furious. As was my husband. During the test drive, I recall silently fuming and consciously making a promise that we would never buy a BMW. 

By contrast, and with no possible prior knowledge of our BMW experience, our salesman at Mercedes handled things very differently. As we walked on the lot, he smiled and introduced himself...to both of us. (I think he may have even shaken my hand first.) He engaged with us, making sure to check in with each of us throughout the process.  He was kind, courteous, and an attentive listener. 

Over the years I've told this story many times, mostly to illustrate how easy it can be to win someone over with simple acts of kindness. The power of that unexpected kindness was its ability to transcend the transaction and create lasting brand loyalty. Not surprisingly, we've kept our promise to never buy a BMW. But guess who's sold us three Mercedes vehicles and two others to our friends?

Paying it Forward is Contagious

After receiving my own unexpected kindness and inspired by Kasanoff's kindness first policy, yesterday I happily filled out an evaluation for my daughter's fantastic softball coaches, giving them the highest marks possible and taking the time to add a personalizing recommendation for each of them. And I've already started to think about what kind things I can do for others in the days to come.

I have a feeling unexpected kindness will become a regular thing...and hopefully, contagious.

The Truth About Independence

This year Independence Day had a special meaning for me. For the first time in over three years, I was without a single, long-term client.  I was truly independent.

As my fellow self-employed consultant friends know, having a long-term contract in place can be golden.  The security of having a predictable stream of income in an otherwise fluctuating work environment helps you manage the peaks and valleys (particularly the valleys) of cash flow and workflow. 

But there's that problematic word: predictable.

If predictable's less problematic cousin, dependable, is the upside then routine is, at least for me, its evil twin. While some people thrive in routine, I tend to get complacent. And lazy. It's much too easy to get caught up in doing the same things each month, around the same time, just to check them off the list and start over again the next month. Time passes. Quickly.  And all those things you told yourself you'd do fall by the wayside.  They'll get done...eventually.

Now sometimes there are other constraints in place that aid in that complacency.  In my case, that long-term client I had also had a very strong conflict of interest clause in place that prevented me from taking on any other clients in the same space. So I didn't.  I didn't even try, because, let's face it, it was easier not to take action. And truth be told I had a pretty good gig going and loved the folks I was working with, it just wasn't challenging me.

But then a funny thing happened. About six months out, I realized that my contract was quickly coming to a close.  I asked myself what I really wanted: the security and routine of having a fixed contract or the thrill of venturing back into the unknown, of landing a new client (or clients), and the payoff, financially and psychologically, of utilizing my full skill set and experience, and perhaps even adding to it?

I think you can guess where I landed on that one.

But of course being independent isn't all bad.  In fact, what I love most about being a consultant is the freedom and autonomy I enjoy.  Especially during last week's holiday, when I was able to be with my immediate and extended family every day, despite having some work creep through.  It's really about taking back your power and time, and having a say in how (and with whom) you choose to spend it.

Though it can be scary at times, my independence — in every sense of the word — is something for which I'm truly grateful.