Note: This post was written awhile back, but I recently found it and wanted to share.
It happened. This morning. Though I can't say I wasn't warned.
Our eldest daughter, an 11-and-a-half-year-old sixth grader and first year middle schooler, didn't kiss me goodbye when I dropped her off at school.
I knew this day would come. Eventually. So why was I waxing nostalgic, thinking about her taking her first steps, picturing her with bangs and pigtails? Wasn't this the girl that was more timid and cautious, that always wanted to hold Mommy's hand when things got scary?
Of course this made me reflect on myself at her age, and how I was feeling. I, too, was a shy (no really, I was) but social kid. I loved my parents but wanted desperately (as do most tween/teens, I suspect) to fit in and not have any reason to be "different," for that surely meant teasing and possibly being ostracized by other kids.
Yep, same kid. And yet she was different. She had evolved. Matured. Grown — in age, certainly, but even more so in confidence. She had become more self-reliant and comfortable in her own skin.
Either that, I was just becoming a source of embarrassment. (OMG, Mom!) There's always that possibility.
Postscript
I mentioned that this post was written awhile ago, but what I didn't realize, until now, was that I have actually done exactly what my daughter had: I've grown.
In revisiting this blog after so many months away (can you believe it's been over 7?) I can see how I've embraced my uncertainty and change to mold my life more into what makes me happy. Having greater freedom and autonomy has allowed me to take my "foot off the gas pedal" (love that expression) and look around. And so far, I'm liking what I see.
Since my last post, I've accepted two contract positions (which subsequently led to additional projects), and have been offered full time jobs (which I politely declined). I'm finally in a place where I have some financial certainty and fulfillment yet enough flexibility to take on (or decline) additional work. I've been able to make a conscious choice to truly balance my time to include more of what makes me happy (time with family and friends, traveling and creative expression activities).
That said, I'm now hyper-aware that this situation may not last forever. And I don't mean that in a negative away. Rather, I have a very strong sense that there is an amazing, huge opportunity that will surface before the end of the year and, knowing me, I'll want to dive in head first and give it my all. In fact, several people close to me (and even those not so close — am I that transparent?) have asked me if what I'm doing now is "enough" for me. (As an aside, it's important to note that I'm often compared to Claire Dunphy — not Julie Bowen, the actress that plays this character on "Modern Family" — but of Clare. Apparently, I seem to give off a very driven vibe. Huh, go figure.)
But back to the question of "enough."
It seems to me that "enough" is a moving target of sorts. What constitutes "enough" today, may in fact not be "enough" or even "too much" tomorrow. So why play that game?
My answer to the question is this: enough really is enough.
At least for now. ;-)
