A Little About Me

If I've learned anything in 2014, it's that you have to be true to yourself in order to be truly happy.  

This doesn't always work, especially in professional situations where there are certain political or social expectations. Fortunately for me I'm a bit of a chameleon, being able to blend in to nearly every scenario, maintaining a certain level of tact, decorum and diplomacy not to rock anyone's boat and make everyone in my presence feel warm and comfortable.  Great, right?

Yeah, I guess.  And having that skill set is important. (In fact, I've met quite a few folks that could benefit from it). But sometimes I want to just be a little more, well, me.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I'm some psycho (really, I promise!).  But there's more to me than my LinkedIn-approved profile.  And it's those parts that I really make me who I am and truth be told, more interesting as a person.

My challenge has been how to incorporate more of myself so I don't have two different personas.  What's holding me back?  One word: FEAR.

Fear of being overlooked. Ridiculed. Forgotten. Viewed as irrelevant.

Funny, because that's exactly what I fear right now, before making any changes.

I'm currently in the last 6 months of a 3-year contract.  It's provided a wonderfully stable income stream, and the autonomy and freedom I so desired after 10 years of being a CEO with an ever-changing board of directors.  When it began, I was excited, anxious, and eager to learn and excel.  And I did. But then I got bored.  And rather than seek out something more challenging, I fell into the comfort zone of it, the ease of it. And along the way started to have those feelings of being viewed solely in that role. And people making inaccurate assumptions about me because of it (oh, she really doesn't want go to work full time, she has kids and doesn't want to travel) even though those closest to me in my personal and professional life knew better. In fact, they knew me so well that they asked things like what was I really going to do? And when was I going find a real job?  They told me I was more than this role, and that I was a leader, and had so much more to offer.  

Which of course pissed me off.  Because I secretly knew they were right.  Because they knew me. All of me.

Along the way these conversations continued, which brings us to today, the last day of 2014. With an impending new year I thought I should start to try to true up and merge the professional and personal Amys.  If you're reading this, you probably already know:

• I excel at being able to quickly assess what's working and what's not, come up with recommendations and an action plan to improve, strengthen, and build, then deliver results.
• I also quite frequently find myself in "the middle," serving as a liaison between disparate groups and factions, leading the way to consensus.
• I'm motivated by challenge and find great satisfaction in getting tangible results and making things better.
• Some adjectives that describe me are: respected, competitive, results-oriented, ambitious, focused, confident.

Sounds very LinkedIn-y, right?  But here's a list of 25 things you may not know about me:

1. I was super shy as a kid (this shocks people that meet me today)
2. My favorite color used to be pink (it's now blue)
3. I loved (and still do) writing, drawing, creating and building (I was DIY before it was a thing)
4. I played volleyball (still do), basketball, ran hurdles and even was a song leader (kinda like a dancing cheerleader — seemed like fun so on a whim I tried out my senior year and made it)
5. I rocked the best '80s hair EVAH
6. I was a Visual Arts major in Film/Video, with a minor in communications 
7. I interned at a local cable TV station in college and loved being the technical director (the one who literally calls the shots) 
8. I wanted to be a filmmaker (sounded cool) but instead landed in agency-land (also pretty cool)
9. I've worked in advertising, marketing, communications, branding and travel/tourism, and in every instance my parents never quite knew what I did for a living (still don't)
10. I'm very handy and absolutely love home renovation
11. Guy Fieri once told me that I smelled good
12. I'm fueled by Peet’s medium nonfat lattes and single handily keep at least two local stores in business
13. I have no real phobias but clowns freak me out — they're evil
14. I dislike most reality TV except my guilty pleasure, The Millionaire Matchmaker
15. The concept of transformation is very meaningful and fulfilling to me, and I feel happiest when I’m an active participant in some form of one
16. I love games, especially Trivial Pursuit and Cards Against Humanity
17. I find personality tests fascinating because I’m on a never-ending quest of self-discovery
18. When I’m really close with someone I develop an uncanny, almost psychic connection to them
19. I think being clever trumps beauty
20. I use A LOT of Post-It notes
21. I value intuition very highly
22. I stick my tongue out when I’m really concentrating
23. I always wear sunscreen and my seat belt
24. I spontaneously cry every time someone with perfect pitch hits a high note
25. I think the world would be a much more interesting place if we all spoke in Aaron Sorkin style dialogue

Stay tuned as I get creative with my bio, and hopefully my next gig. Here's to a fearless 2015 — Happy New Year, everyone!

Another Weird Dream

Last night I had another weird dream.

In this one, I had lost my purse and cell phone and was frantically searching for them, retracing my steps but to no avail.  

It was present day in this dream, which is why the next part of it was so weird. After I had gone round and round looking for my purse and phone I finally decided I should call someone.  I remember that it was evening, dark out, and I was around some sort of water (a river or channel, maybe?) that I needed to cross to get home. With no cell phone, and no money, I was hoping to call a friend or family member to bail me out, pick me up and generally help me out of this situation. When I finally found a landline to use, the phone itself was very confusing to use and kind of rickety.  I ended up calling someone I didn't know, which added to the confusion — and my frustration. And then I woke up.

Being the curious person that I am, of course I felt like the dream must be more than a dream. More than the byproduct of finishing off the last of that Ghirardelli dark chocolate caramel sea salt bar I said I wasn't going to eat and popping a Nyquil for my head cold.

No, instead I consulted an online dream dictionary, carefully plugging in all my dream elements to piece together the true meaning of my dream:

Lose

To dream that you lose something may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. Perhaps you are overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Alternatively, losing something often coincides with a significant life change or waking issue. 

On a symbolic note losing things in your dream suggests lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. 

Purse

To dream that you lost your purse denotes loss of power and control. You may have lost touch with your real identity. 

Wallet

Losing your wallet indicates that you are losing touch with your true identity. You are experiencing some anxiety over changes and uncertainties happening in your life.  

Cell Phone

To dream that you lost your cell phone represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self.

 

Telephone

To see or hear a telephone in your dream signifies a message from your subconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues that you have been avoiding. 

 

To dream that you dial the wrong number means that you are experiencing difficulties in relating to others. You have trouble expressing yourself and over-think things.

Dial
To see a dial in your dream indicates that you need to be more in tune to your thoughts and to your intuition.  

Evening
To dream that it is evening denotes the end of a cycle, aging or death. It may also be symbolic of unrealized hopes.

River

If you are crossing a river in your dream, then it represents an obstacle or issue that you need to deal with in order to move closer toward your goal. It is also reflective of a new stage in your life. 

See any patterns here? Yeah, me too.  

Which makes perfect sense. I've definitely had a sense that change is just around the corner, and feel like I've lost myself and am really trying to figure our what's next. I'm seeking something that I have yet to realize.  And with the excitement comes the anxiety and frustration of not knowing exactly what that is (yet), and not having it happen fast enough.  Obviously,  my subconscious is trying to tell me something. To listen to my intuition and get back in touch with what matters to me and what makes me happy.

I've begun to see evidence in my waking life as well, noting things that catch my eye and really resonate.  Makes me feel like some messages were meant for me to hear right now.  The latest (and a new favorite of mine) is a phrase I saw on Pinterest that made its way on to my chalkboard:

I'm a believer.

Happy Dreams, everyone! :-)


 

 

The Gift of Time

I just had a someone cancel a meeting we had scheduled for today. And while I should be bummed, I'm actually delighted.

It's not that I didn't want to meet with him; on the contrary, this is someone I truly enjoy spending time with and looking forward to seeing.  And although I need this meeting this month I have great confidence that we'll simply get together next week.  

But his cancellation has given me something extremely valuable at the moment: the gift of time, at precisely the moment I needed it.

Allow me to explain.

If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know that I've spent the last several years writing about my adventures in free agent land.  I was lucky enough to land a 3-year contract that provided me with the freedom and autonomy I so craved, while providing a consistent source of income. And the gig forced me out of my comfort zone, challenging me to stretch myself.

Awesome, right? Yeah, until it wasn't.

It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm just, well...bored. It might sound terrible but once I felt I mastered the role, I started to lose interest.  Played little games, challenging (see, there's that word again) myself to attain higher goals this month than the one prior.  And those worked to a point.  But because I know that I'm motivated by new challenges, and derive great satisfaction from getting tangible results and making things better, it was just a matter of time before it was time to move on.

And that time is now.

Which is why I have a renewed interest in exploring the possibilities. I'm starting to notice trends, signs and patterns that intrigue me.  Some are new, some have always been there. But now they seems to be intersecting and colliding in unique ways. They're out there, calling to me like a siren, coaxing me out of my comfort zone, pushing me to put myself out there. Again.

And so I've started to do that.  Which takes time. Which was unexpectedly given to me today.

So thank you, ML, for giving me time to do what I really need to do.

(P.S. — And for those of you interested, you can watch my redevelopment and transformation process by checking out my new (and still-being-worked-on-as-of-this-posting) page at About.me and/or my LinkedIn profile. I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.)