A Little About Me

If I've learned anything in 2014, it's that you have to be true to yourself in order to be truly happy.  

This doesn't always work, especially in professional situations where there are certain political or social expectations. Fortunately for me I'm a bit of a chameleon, being able to blend in to nearly every scenario, maintaining a certain level of tact, decorum and diplomacy not to rock anyone's boat and make everyone in my presence feel warm and comfortable.  Great, right?

Yeah, I guess.  And having that skill set is important. (In fact, I've met quite a few folks that could benefit from it). But sometimes I want to just be a little more, well, me.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I'm some psycho (really, I promise!).  But there's more to me than my LinkedIn-approved profile.  And it's those parts that I really make me who I am and truth be told, more interesting as a person.

My challenge has been how to incorporate more of myself so I don't have two different personas.  What's holding me back?  One word: FEAR.

Fear of being overlooked. Ridiculed. Forgotten. Viewed as irrelevant.

Funny, because that's exactly what I fear right now, before making any changes.

I'm currently in the last 6 months of a 3-year contract.  It's provided a wonderfully stable income stream, and the autonomy and freedom I so desired after 10 years of being a CEO with an ever-changing board of directors.  When it began, I was excited, anxious, and eager to learn and excel.  And I did. But then I got bored.  And rather than seek out something more challenging, I fell into the comfort zone of it, the ease of it. And along the way started to have those feelings of being viewed solely in that role. And people making inaccurate assumptions about me because of it (oh, she really doesn't want go to work full time, she has kids and doesn't want to travel) even though those closest to me in my personal and professional life knew better. In fact, they knew me so well that they asked things like what was I really going to do? And when was I going find a real job?  They told me I was more than this role, and that I was a leader, and had so much more to offer.  

Which of course pissed me off.  Because I secretly knew they were right.  Because they knew me. All of me.

Along the way these conversations continued, which brings us to today, the last day of 2014. With an impending new year I thought I should start to try to true up and merge the professional and personal Amys.  If you're reading this, you probably already know:

• I excel at being able to quickly assess what's working and what's not, come up with recommendations and an action plan to improve, strengthen, and build, then deliver results.
• I also quite frequently find myself in "the middle," serving as a liaison between disparate groups and factions, leading the way to consensus.
• I'm motivated by challenge and find great satisfaction in getting tangible results and making things better.
• Some adjectives that describe me are: respected, competitive, results-oriented, ambitious, focused, confident.

Sounds very LinkedIn-y, right?  But here's a list of 25 things you may not know about me:

1. I was super shy as a kid (this shocks people that meet me today)
2. My favorite color used to be pink (it's now blue)
3. I loved (and still do) writing, drawing, creating and building (I was DIY before it was a thing)
4. I played volleyball (still do), basketball, ran hurdles and even was a song leader (kinda like a dancing cheerleader — seemed like fun so on a whim I tried out my senior year and made it)
5. I rocked the best '80s hair EVAH
6. I was a Visual Arts major in Film/Video, with a minor in communications 
7. I interned at a local cable TV station in college and loved being the technical director (the one who literally calls the shots) 
8. I wanted to be a filmmaker (sounded cool) but instead landed in agency-land (also pretty cool)
9. I've worked in advertising, marketing, communications, branding and travel/tourism, and in every instance my parents never quite knew what I did for a living (still don't)
10. I'm very handy and absolutely love home renovation
11. Guy Fieri once told me that I smelled good
12. I'm fueled by Peet’s medium nonfat lattes and single handily keep at least two local stores in business
13. I have no real phobias but clowns freak me out — they're evil
14. I dislike most reality TV except my guilty pleasure, The Millionaire Matchmaker
15. The concept of transformation is very meaningful and fulfilling to me, and I feel happiest when I’m an active participant in some form of one
16. I love games, especially Trivial Pursuit and Cards Against Humanity
17. I find personality tests fascinating because I’m on a never-ending quest of self-discovery
18. When I’m really close with someone I develop an uncanny, almost psychic connection to them
19. I think being clever trumps beauty
20. I use A LOT of Post-It notes
21. I value intuition very highly
22. I stick my tongue out when I’m really concentrating
23. I always wear sunscreen and my seat belt
24. I spontaneously cry every time someone with perfect pitch hits a high note
25. I think the world would be a much more interesting place if we all spoke in Aaron Sorkin style dialogue

Stay tuned as I get creative with my bio, and hopefully my next gig. Here's to a fearless 2015 — Happy New Year, everyone!

Another Weird Dream

Last night I had another weird dream.

In this one, I had lost my purse and cell phone and was frantically searching for them, retracing my steps but to no avail.  

It was present day in this dream, which is why the next part of it was so weird. After I had gone round and round looking for my purse and phone I finally decided I should call someone.  I remember that it was evening, dark out, and I was around some sort of water (a river or channel, maybe?) that I needed to cross to get home. With no cell phone, and no money, I was hoping to call a friend or family member to bail me out, pick me up and generally help me out of this situation. When I finally found a landline to use, the phone itself was very confusing to use and kind of rickety.  I ended up calling someone I didn't know, which added to the confusion — and my frustration. And then I woke up.

Being the curious person that I am, of course I felt like the dream must be more than a dream. More than the byproduct of finishing off the last of that Ghirardelli dark chocolate caramel sea salt bar I said I wasn't going to eat and popping a Nyquil for my head cold.

No, instead I consulted an online dream dictionary, carefully plugging in all my dream elements to piece together the true meaning of my dream:

Lose

To dream that you lose something may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. Perhaps you are overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Alternatively, losing something often coincides with a significant life change or waking issue. 

On a symbolic note losing things in your dream suggests lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. 

Purse

To dream that you lost your purse denotes loss of power and control. You may have lost touch with your real identity. 

Wallet

Losing your wallet indicates that you are losing touch with your true identity. You are experiencing some anxiety over changes and uncertainties happening in your life.  

Cell Phone

To dream that you lost your cell phone represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self.

 

Telephone

To see or hear a telephone in your dream signifies a message from your subconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues that you have been avoiding. 

 

To dream that you dial the wrong number means that you are experiencing difficulties in relating to others. You have trouble expressing yourself and over-think things.

Dial
To see a dial in your dream indicates that you need to be more in tune to your thoughts and to your intuition.  

Evening
To dream that it is evening denotes the end of a cycle, aging or death. It may also be symbolic of unrealized hopes.

River

If you are crossing a river in your dream, then it represents an obstacle or issue that you need to deal with in order to move closer toward your goal. It is also reflective of a new stage in your life. 

See any patterns here? Yeah, me too.  

Which makes perfect sense. I've definitely had a sense that change is just around the corner, and feel like I've lost myself and am really trying to figure our what's next. I'm seeking something that I have yet to realize.  And with the excitement comes the anxiety and frustration of not knowing exactly what that is (yet), and not having it happen fast enough.  Obviously,  my subconscious is trying to tell me something. To listen to my intuition and get back in touch with what matters to me and what makes me happy.

I've begun to see evidence in my waking life as well, noting things that catch my eye and really resonate.  Makes me feel like some messages were meant for me to hear right now.  The latest (and a new favorite of mine) is a phrase I saw on Pinterest that made its way on to my chalkboard:

I'm a believer.

Happy Dreams, everyone! :-)


 

 

How a Reunion Can Reunite You With Yourself

re·un·ion

[ree-yoon-yuh n]

 noun

1. the act of uniting again.
2. the state of being united again.
3. a gathering of relatives, friends, or associates at regular intervals or after separation

Last Saturday I went to my 25th high school reunion. (Yes, I'm that old. Stop snickering.)

When you go to these things, it's natural, of course, to ask your classmates about what they've been up to since you last saw each other. Which made me reminisce about what I was doing 25 years ago.

{Behold my '80s hair in all its glory.}

It was my senior year and I was busy being a well-rounded student.  Between AP classes, sports and maintaining really big hair I had my hands full. I had always been part of student government, but rather than go for a class officer position I interviewed for a coveted student body post: Activities Director. Sounds good, right? Not exactly.

Even my high school adviser knew something I didn't — that event planning wasn't my thing (and truth be told, never would be... but that's for another blog post). Instead, I was gently persuaded to be the Publicity Chairperson.  I wouldn't be planning the activities (that was left to my uber organized, detail-oriented friend, N.) but instead I would be writing about them. Promoting them.  Telling stories about them. In fact, my adviser thought I'd be perfect for this role because she felt I had a natural writing style that would easily lend itself to the prerequisite teen column published weekly in our area's local rag.

Hmm... a weekly column?  With my own byline? Where I could express myself? Cool! I accepted the gig and happily went along my way.

{One of my teen columns from the Tri-Valley Herald, circa 1986}

Each week I'd make the early-morning drive to hand deliver my typewritten columns (remember, this was 1986) and a few days later I would beam with published pride.

Funny how going to a reunion can reunite you with yourself.

As I chatted with my high school friends about what was next for me, I mentioned this blog and how I was thinking of (finally!) trying this writing thing. 

• M.J. loved the idea and thought it could be my own version of Eat, Pray Love (minus Julia Roberts — she hates Julia Roberts). 
• T. said that he remembered me as a girl who could do anything and to just go for it. 
• And (female) T. remarked on my amazing, positive energy — particularly when I was speaking about this project — and said it made her (someone who already has a lot of energy) feel electric.

Instead of leaving the reunion feeling like an unemployed loser, I came away even more determined to be true to my mantra and "make it so."

So allow me to say it publicly for the first time: I was, and am, a writer. 

It just took me 25 years to acknowledge it.  Thanks for the reminder, CHS '86. 

:-)

My "Garanimals for Adults" Method of Dress — and Why I Don't Follow It Anymore

I used to have a foolproof method of getting dressed for work, which I affectionately referred to as "Garanimals for Adults."

{Garanimals tags today}

Laugh if you will (well, that is if you're over, say, the age of 35...if you're younger you probably have no idea what I'm talking about) but there's a method to my madness.

Garanimals was a children's clothing line that essentially coordinated tops and bottoms together simply by using different colored animal tags. If you were looking for a cool top to go with those groovy pants, you need only find another blue elephant (or red bear, or yellow monkey) tag and you were good to go.

{Man, I wore a lot of yellow in the '70s}

Granted, Garanimals was in its heyday in the '70s, when it shared the gimmick spotlight with pet rocks and the like. But at its essence, it was about making a decision easier (or eliminating it entirely) by providing you with several alternatives that were sure to match/fit.

For a harried Mom or Dad trying to outfit their kid, this was genius. It ensured that their kid would look acceptable (which was debatable, given the decade). And for at least one kid it made quite an impression.

But back to my "Garanimals for Adults" method of career dressing.

For at least the last decade, a suit served as my Garanimals. A jacket with matching pants or skirt was well-coordinated, professional and (some would say) boring and predictable. Once I had on those pieces I could basically take my "navy blue dolphin" or "charcoal gray panda" and change it up with a different blouse, interesting jewelry and killer heels. (Heck, even the photo of me on this blog follows my adult Garanimals methodology.) It gave me a great sense of comfort knowing I was dressing in a way that allowed me to "match" and fit in.

{What I used to dress like every day}

The funny thing is that I haven't followed this dressing strategy for the last 8 weeks or so. In fact, I've been forced outside my comfort zone of matchy-matchy to try to coordinate with - gasp! - separates and - double gasp! - flats.

Which of course has made me re-think my dressing theory, and create a new one: intentionally NOT matching, instead focusing on things going together and the overall gestalt of my ensemble. Call it my anti Garanimals for Adults, if you will.

Sure, it might take a little longer to get dressed, but it better aligns with this transitional period I'm in — by dressing "outside the lines" I'm forcing myself to be more resourceful and creative, which is exactly the direction I want to go with my life and career.

So why limit yourself to the obvious choices? Go ahead and pair a blue giraffe with an orange tiger. Life is about taking chances, and putting yourself out there for new experiences.

Remember that the unexpected can be a breath of fresh air.  And way more interesting.